Not my Circus, Not my Monkeys

Yesterday I listened to a man talk about how his back hurt so bad he couldn't bend over and tie his shoe. Twenty years ago he had an accident and the subsequent surgery left him in unbearable pain for which he still took demerol. He only takes that on the weekends because he can't work on the drug. I decided to skip the questions about how you can have a script for demerol for twenty years and just listen. Gave him arthritis. It was hard to work. Nothing works on the pain. Leg gave out the other night and he fell and broke his glasses  and that's why his face was all cut and bloody.

Have you tried Acupuncture? Massage? Chiropractic? Physical therapy? Stretching? Calcium Magnesium? Turmeric? Epsom salt baths? Hot tub?

No.

The Whine Bar

You're not going to like this, but it's true. We, Americans, have become a nation of whiners. This isn't new but it's getting worse.  Complainers. Big wheat belly achers. The fat guy at the table who never gets enough to eat and yet a bounty lies before him. We bitch about cable tv customer service like it's a birthright to have 200 channels of nothing in particular. But we PAID for the service and we want our $60 worth! And they left me on HOLD for 20 minutes!

After you get up and running, be sure to go over to CNN and catch some of the devastating rubble in Nepal after yet another earthquake. Be confident no one is searching for the remote.

We demand cheap prices AND good food in restaurants because someone, somewhere came up with the mantra The Customer is Always Right. No, you're not. If you've got demands of quality and price you're never gonna find it. You do have control over it though...you. Home. Beans. Rice. Repeat.

There is no restaurant owner anywhere who says,

Contrary Rabbit? Get in your burrow!

Today's Animal Medicine card pulled was Rabbit in the contrary position and 'tis apropos I suppose. Rabbit totem signifies fear and maybe a little unwarranted paranoia. Rabbit in the contrary position let's you know you're right to be hiding out from the energy vampires. Don't let anyone steal your power. Someone pushing your buttons? Brush them off. Paralyzed with indecision? I know that one, just sit a minute and do nothing. You'll get a clear message soon enough. It's time to wait. Nurture yourself. Re-evaluate.

"Simply put, you cannot have your influence felt until you rearrange your way of seeing the present set of circumstances. There is always a way out of any situation, because the Universal force will move on."----is the interpretation from Sams and Carson

For me, it is high time to stop trying to move mountains. Sell. Flip. Renovate. Market. Rent. Change. Worry. About this property. I hate moving. Am absolutely not in the mood to do it right now. Yes, I wish I had a teeny cottage with no upkeep in my fantasy real estate daydream, but it will cost to live anywhere. It will be work to live in anything. There are dozens of reasons to stay put and dozens more why I can't find a proper agent or buyer. So my lesson? Do something ELSE. So I am. And we shall see.

If something's not working for you right now, just walk away and put your attention elsewhere. Maybe you're trying to force a relationship that just isn't fruitful. Or trying a hobby or sport that really is cramping your flow. There is no failure really. Just re-organizing your thoughts.

You want it or not?

I've been married since 2005. To a house.

It was love at first sight but over the years it has soured into an awkward arranged marriage. Turns out, a relationship of this magnitude was more difficult than I imagined and it also turned out that we didn't really like each other. I wasn't ready for sure. I wanted to change everything about her and she resisted change at every turn. She communicated her needs passive aggressively. A burst pipe and a caved in ceiling. A septic back up. A roof replacement that took 3 months and $60,000 which ruined my chances of getting affordable insurance ever again.

The old ball and chain.

Chrysalis?

Steve Miller was right. Time keeps on slippin' into the future. Do you remember 30 years ago? I do. It seems like a world ago but at the same time it was my senior year in high school. That doesn't seem that far behind me. I still know the words to all the Tears for Fears tunes. I graduated early and was already at college before my class marched--I never have been one to stand on ceremony. I was pretty sure that it wouldn't be a milestone I'd miss. And I never have.

Many spend a great deal of time looking back but if you cut to 30 years from now? That's sobering. I will be 78. Seventy. Eight. And I don't know if you feel it too but time rushes faster the older we get. It's freaky. A friend of mine has recently relocated to Hawaii. Seemingly on a whim, but it took her 6 years and she says the timing has been perfect. The gist of that?  If there's anything you want to do? Do it. Get started. Now. Build the bridge. It's not going to happen in a hot minute. And you will lessen your frustrations if you just let it develop. But you have to commit. This is my theory anyway.

Now what?

**Originally published in August 2013, I think this essay is worth reprinting. For the tread water feeling in all of us.

-------
When I sold my restaurants in 2007, I didn't have much of a plan. People always ask. What are you going to do now?! Won't you miss this?  People are always going to ask.

I never have an answer. The best I can come up with is "Not this." When I left New York in 1996 deflated and bored with what I thought would be the career of a lifetime, I had only that in mind. Not this. 

Sometimes things fall in your lap. I hadn't planned on running underground dinner parties in Atlanta to make rent and I hadn't planned on opening restaurants so it made sense that I hadn't planned on selling them either. It just happened that there were buyers and in my mind that's the time to become a seller, because invariably when you want to sell, buyers are hiding behind trees.

I saw a crack of light and I squeezed through it. I felt that I had narrowly missed getting caught in a bear trap. The gripping teeth of ten years was a long time for someone who bopped around a lot. Maybe I'm getting older, I thought. Maybe. But it was time for change.

Fear, The Rabbit.

Is it time to put your nose in the corner? Or face your fears?

Since moving to the country several years ago I pay really sharp attention to nature. Partly, yes, because there's nothing else to do, but the signals and messages are abundant. The lack of distraction and entertainment options makes Nature TV even more fun. 

And of course, I read my Animal Medicine cards. If no particular animal has presented itself multiple times (this weekend The Snake, signaling Transformation) many times the Mouse (Scrutiny and losing sight of the Big Picture) and the Noble Turkey (giveaway, and clearing donation) I pull cards from the deck. It usually resonates with where I am or what I notice in conversations with others. Which is always good to remind us that 

we're all connected somehow no matter how disjointed everything feels 

from time to time.